I Can't Play Shadow of the Colossus

Everyone has bought something they regret instantly or know they didn’t need or want. Everyone has gotten something at the grocery store because they swore they were going to start eating better or learn how to cook only to see the food quickly rot away. Most people who play games have acquired games during a Steam sale or because the rapport has been good enough to lead to a purchase only for those games to sit on a hard drive unbooted or shrink wrapped on a bookcase. It’s not a sin, not even a splurge, it’s more of a delusion of time. I can’t play Shadow of the Colossus but it has nothing to do with not having the time or splurging on something I didn't want or need.

When I first saw what the completely redone version of one of my personal favorite games looked like, I was awaiting the February 6th, 2018 date with great anticipation. Shadow of the Colossus is one of the most emotionally grand experiences ever spent with a game or any piece of media for that matter. And that is where the mistake was made, the pure emotion and journey of that game led to my purchase of the game, but unable to break the seal and play through again. For the first time I had purchased a game and could not open the packaging, but it was not because I miscalculated free time or instantly regretted the purchase and wanted to return it. In the days leading up to the release of the game I started to recall the desperate struggle of continuing through that game slaying colossi and by the end feeling like a selfish brood, slogging through the lonely scenery losing the only companion you have in the game. It’s one of the first times a game has made me question if what I was doing was the right thing to do, and it did so without the spoken word or obvious illusions to it trying to evoke that feeling out of the player. It was/is a special feeling in a medium lacking subtle storytelling and led to a $40 box sitting on a shelf.

This bizarre new experience led to another conclusion though, that perhaps not all remakes are for previous fans of the game. Shadow of the Colossus is an amazing experience, but it was an experience already experienced by me. The power of that experience disallowed my body from inserting that disc into my PlayStation 4 because I wasn’t ready or willing or able to go down that demoralizing slide again. This particular remake is not for me, and may never be, but it’s wonderful for people who know how important the game is to the timeline of video games. To someone who skipped over it or has had it brewing on the backlog for some time, this remake is most certainly the best way to play through Shadow of the Colossus and provides an opportunity for more people to be swept away in the emotional journey the game provided to me, and many others. At this time, however, I can’t play Shadow of the Colossus.